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Marcus Comes to Dinner – SNL


>>>AT WHAT TIME ARE TIM AND HIS
FRIEND SUPPOSED TO COME OVER?>>TIM’S BOYFRIEND, RICHARD.
IF WE ARE GOING TO MAKE AN EFFORT, THEN WE REALLY HAVE TO
MAKE AN EFFORT.>>FINE, BOYFRIEND.
THEY’RE LATE. THAT’S THE PART I DON’T LIKE.
>>IT’LL BE OKAY. WE’LL JUST GET THROUGH IT AND BE
OUT OF HERE IN AN HOUR, TOPS, OKAY?
>>IF YOU SAY SO. DO THEY KNOW I’M A PORN STAR?
>>GOD, NO. WHY WOULD I TELL THEM YOU’RE A
PORN STAR? NO, I DIDN’T TELL THEM THAT.
>>TIMMY, COME ON IN HERE GUYS.>>HEY, SON.
>>HEY.>>HOW ARE YOU DOING?
WAIT. NEVER MIND.
WE ARE HAPPY TO SEE YOU GUYS.>>HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>>YOU KNOW, COME IN, YOU GUYS. WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE OUR
LITTLE ANGEL HOME, AND YOU MUST BE MARCUS.
>>DOES MARCUS SEEM FAMILIAR TO YOU?
>>HOW SO?>>I DON’T KNOW.
MARCUS, DO I KNOW YOU?>>WE NEVER MET.
>>REALLY? I FEEL LIKE I SEE YOU ALL THE
TIME. DO YOU WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP ON
SECOND OR SOMETHING? WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM?
WHAT DO YOU DO?>>JUST FREELANCE STUFF.
>>YOU KNOW, MARCUS IS A DENTAL HYGIENIST.
SO, HE CLEANS TEETH. THAT’S ALL HE DOES.
>>WELL, SWEETIE, THERE’S NO NEED TO BE TENSE.
YOUR FATHER AND I ARE SO HAPPY THAT YOU BOTH ARE HERE.
YOU KNOW, I’M STRUGGLING WITH THIS THING.
WOULD YOU OPEN THAT?>>OF COURSE.
>>I KNOW WE DISAGREE ON A LOT AND I’M GETTING USED TO YOUR
LIFESTYLE BUT WE CAN STILL BE A FAMILY.
I THINK MAYBE YOU COULD JOIN US AT CHURCH SOMETIME.
>>IT’S SO HARD SOMETIMES. YOU KNOW?
>>GOD, WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM?
>>HEY, DAD, CAN YOU JUST DROP IT?
>>DO YOU WORK AT CRUNCH OR SOMETHING?
I KNOW THAT I HAVE SEEN YOU.>>THAT’S BECOMING VERY, VERY
CLEAR.>>BOYS, I GOT YOU THE
SNICKERDOODLE COOKIES THAT YOU LIKE.
THEY ARE IN THE KITCHEN. YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT THESE
TWO BOYS IS THAT THEY SHARE EVERYTHING THE SAME.
THEY HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN EVERYTHING.
>>YEAH, I’M LIKE REALLY POPULAR WITH A CERTAIN KIND OF
DEMOGRAPHIC.>>MOM, HOW IS KATHLEEN.
>>OUT OF CONTROL. SHE HAS TWO TATTOOS.
DON’T HAVE ANY TATTOOS, DO YOU, TIM.
>>NO, MOM.>>MARCUS.
>>I HAVE A COUPLE.>>COUPLE OF GUNS RATE OVER YOUR
BUTT. OH, YOU ARE A GAY PORN STAR.
I FEEL SO STUPID. I GOT ONE OF THE TOP TIER GAY
PORN STARS IN MY HOUSE, AND WE’RE GIVING HIM COOKIES.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I WORE THIS SHIRT TO MEET MARCO PUMP-GOOD.
LIKE AN IDIOT. I HAVE CUTER SHIRTS, JUST SO YOU
KNOW. I GOT CONFUSED EARLIER BECAUSE
YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE JASON THRUST.
AND, I THOUGHT, “NO, NO, HE HASN’T BEEN WITH THE COCKY BOYS
FOR LIKE THREE YEARS NOW.” BUT YOU BOTH WENT ON THAT SAME
PALM SPRINGS GETAWAY TOGETHER. OH, BOY.
AS SOON AS I SAW THAT TRAILER, THAT’S WHEN I FINALLY
SUBSCRIBED. I WAS JUST BOOTLEGGING OFF THE
TUBE SITES BEFORE THAT. BUT I WASN’T ABOUT TO WAIT A
WHOLE WEEK FOR THAT SCENE. ANYWHO, I GUESS I’M GETTING A
DIVORCE NOW AND NOW I’M PROBABLY STEPPING DOWN AS PASTOR.
GOOD-BYE, FAMILY.>>WELL, OKAY.
SO THAT WAS A LOT TO TAKE.>>OH, OKAY.
OH, YEAH. AND YOU ARE GOING TO NEED EYER
LAP FOR. SURE.
OKAY. SO, PUMP-GOOD, IS THAT IRISH?
OR?>>NO.
IT’S FROM PORN.>>YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
IT WAS A JOKE. MY MARRIAGE JUST FELL APART.

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